And so I trudged on. I remember first calling my Uncle Merv – my Dad’s brother. He was over 80 at the time. I don’t believe that I had spoken to him for at least 20 or maybe even 30 years. He and my dad had split somewhat after he and my father had ended their partnership in the family company, California Optical Leather Company – a company that manufactured eyeglass cases – a company that was started by my grandfather, Mervyn Marks, Sr. in the late 1930s. He had started making key cases out of leather and had the good fortune to get a contract during the Second World War to manufacture eyeglass cases for Ray-Ban, who was providing sunglasses to the Air Force. More about that later.

Uncle Merv was probably my first “older relative” contact. All of my Mother’s “blood” relatives had passed. And I seemed to have more of an interest in my Father’s side of the family – probably because I knew so little about them. I was closer to my Father’s family anyway – since I had worked at the “Shop” as we called the company since I was little.

TIP – EVERYTHING THAT SOMEONE TELLS YOU MIGHT BE WRONG

When you talk to your relatives, especially your older relatives, you need to keep in mind that they are likely to get names and facts wrong. Regardless, write this stuff down, because even though they might tell you that Maxine was Al’s daughter, when Maxine and Al were married to each other, or that Uncle Max was skinny when he was fat, the names and memories matter – you can always link things up later – if you are lucky!

TIP – RELATIVES MAY NOT WANT TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING

Remember that many people, including your relatives, have things in their past that they do not want to divulge, not necessarily because they are ashamed of it, but more so because it may be a painful memory. So ask, but push gently. Maybe some day they will let you know, maybe not. The relationship is more important than the information; don’t let your zeal to get at the information ruin the relationship.

So, in 2003 I began the search in earnest. I invested my hard earned cash in ancestry.com and genealogy.com subscriptions. This was before they were merged – at that time neither had all the census data digitized so I used both. My initial focus was on my father’s grandmother on his father’s side. My grandfather’s full name was Mervyn Raphael Marks (middle name pronounced “ray-full”). According to my Uncle Merv (his son) the middle name was actually his mother’s maiden name. So now I was armed with at least my great grandmother’s last name. My grandfather had a sister named Carol. And I knew that she had married a man named Repp. This I knew because Carol’s son was Stafford Repp. Stafford had been an actor in some films but mostly early television with his most famous role as Chief O'Hara on the campy Batman series with Adam West as the Caped Crusader in the mid-1960s.

After much searching, I found the Repp family in the 1930 Federal Census. They were living in Oakland, California and there were 5 in the family – the husband and wife – Herbert and Carol Repp, the son Stafford and the daughter Betty (who actually used the name Elisabeth later in life). But the most fantastic find so far was the discovery of the mother-in-law – “Mollie Marks”. I had found my first great grandmother!

TIP – THE FEDERAL CENSUS IS AMAZING

Next to family history obtained through personal interviews, the federal census will provide you with family members that you didn’t know you had. In the past family members tended to stick together and older aunts and uncles and grandparents often lived with younger relatives. Search them – you will be amazed at what you can find!

From this find – I rapidly began to fill out that side of the family. I found Mollie and her sisters and her parents in the 1870, 1880, and 1900 censuses, so now I had found my first great great grandparents – Marks Raphael and Pauline Saloman. Through the San Francisco Call Index I found lots of other dates and information. Through the Yuba County, California Genealogy website I found where Marks and Pauline were married in 1863, along with the burial information for two of their infant children. I was now on a roll!

TIP – RESEARCH FREE STATE AND COUNTY GENEALOGY WEBSITES

There are hundreds if not thousands of these free websites, many with searchable databases. Search for them. Use them. For example, sfgenealogy.com has been extremely helpful as many of my ancestors lived in San Francisco during the 1800s and early 1900s.

I rapidly filled out approximately 60% of the Raphael information that I now have back in 2004, through this variety of databases. On a vacation to Yosemite National Park, I stopped in Marysville, California, where my Mollie Raphael Marks was born along with all of her siblings, and where her father was a tailor, during the 1860s and 1870s – the gold rush years and beyond.

I found Marks Raphael’s brother Aaron, who also immigrated to America in the 1850s and spent time in Marysville, San Francisco, and Oakland, California. I fleshed out Aaron’s family and his children and grandchildren and their families.

So now I had an excellent start to the Raphael line. On to other branches!

Next I turned my attention to the Marks family – my grandfather’s father and his ancestors. I found through the San Francisco Call Index that Mollie Raphael had married a Joseph Marks – now I knew another great grandparent! – Joseph, (which by the way is my father’s middle name – now I know why).

This is getting exciting! I found through the census Joseph’s brothers and his parents Louis Marks and wife Caroline and his brother’s families. Back to the San Francisco Call Index to find out their spouses and dates of their marriages. So now I had not only found a great grandfather and great grandmother (Joseph and Mollie) - but also a great great grandfather and grandmother - Louis and Caroline!

I thought it was time to take a breath and try to connect with some more people. I placed an item in both the ancestry.com and rootsweb.com forums and asked if anyone had any information about a Raphael family who had lived in the San Francisco Bay Area during the 1800s. A short time later, I received an email from a woman named Kit Crawford, a new name to me, EXCEPT that I remember a distant cousin from when I was a child who was named Kit. We emailed and voila – Kit the cousin was found.Through emails and phone calls we connected, and have been in touch since. I subsequently made a business trip to San Diego and stopped by to visit her and her husband, as well as her mother Elisabeth Repp, Stafford’s sister. Elisabeth was a hoot and Kit was very helpful as we shared notes. Sadly Elisabeth passed a few years later, but I was able to have her connect with my Uncle Merv (they were first cousins and hadn't talked in over 50 years!)

TIP – ASK QUESTIONS IN GENEALOGY FORUMS

You never know who will answer. Sometimes no one, sometimes relatives that you know of, sometimes new relatives, and many times “would be” relatives – people who think they might be related but turn out not to be.

This is getting cooler and cooler! I am actually finding people! Amazing!

In 2002, for a reason long forgotten, I joined ancestry.com as a “free subscriber”. Not driven by a passion to “know” my roots, but just interest, I began the search.

When I started, quite honestly, I knew the first and last names of only two of my great grandparents – both on my Mother’s side of the family – William William Williams – her grandfather, who she never had met, and her other grandfather, John Delano Lutgens, who she did know because he lived with her parents and her brothers and sister as she grew up in West Oakland. I did remember Grandpa Heyman, my father’s grandfather, but didn’t know his first name. He was the only one of my great grandparents who was actually alive when I was – up until I was nine years old. All 5 of my remaining great grandparents were a total mystery to me. In fact I have no memory of anyone in my family even mentioning them – not necessarily because they led “bad” lives or had a sordid history – just because no one talked of them – and I don’t think it is because I wasn't a good listener.

My dear Mother passed in July, 2003. After her passing I became more interested, again not a passion but just interest.

You might ask – did you ask your Mother about any family history between 2002 and the date of her passing? And the answer is - NO! Do I regret not asking her? The answer is a resounding – YES!

I don’t know how many times I have said to myself – gee I wish I had been interested in this stuff about thirty years ago. It wouldn't change the fact that many of my close relatives were not in contact with even cousins or second cousins of their own (at least I wasn't aware of it – having not heard any of the names or at least no memory of hearing the names). But just maybe I would have heard more stories. Knowing where someone was born and exactly what date they were born is interesting – but hearing how they lived – and how they met their husband – or what they liked in school – or what games they played – or whether their father was loving or distant or their mother was a good cook or was a good businesswoman – that information you can’t find in a database.

TIP - THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL

Talk to your oldest relatives – interview them – ask them their stories – ask them about their grandparents, and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters. Where and how did they live, what was their vocation and their hobbies and what were they like. There are numerous sets of interview questions that you can find as a guide. But talk to them – they are the best source of stories. Now you will also find that they may not be the best source of facts – dates get mixed up, names are sometimes either wrong or spelled wrong. They are also the only ones who will be able to identify people in some of your old photos. But the fun of it is listening to them and it provides the bedrock of your research.

DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE GONE – IT WILL BE TOO LATE!

Not necessarily next in order was connecting with my Dad’s youngest cousin, Clyde. He was a musician and about 13 years younger than my father. So I figured that Clyde was still around.

So I Googled his full name and I found that he had spent some time in Hawaii making music. I discovered that he was a member of the musician’s union in Honolulu. His email address wasn't available – so I emailed the secretary of the union and asked him to forward my “introductory” email to Clyde, which he thankfully did. Clyde emailed me back in about a week and was ecstatic that I had reached out to him. He had me confused with someone else, but after a phone call we got that straightened out.

TIP – USE INTERNET SEARCH ENGINES

Internet Search Engines are your friend. Subscription genealogy services such as ancestry.com and footnote.com are incredibly useful, but you can also discover a great deal with simple Internet searches. Try it – you will like it!

Clyde and I shared a few stories and began sending information back and forth. He told me a few things about his grandfather (and my great grandfather) Isidore Heyman and some of his inventions, including a clip-on tie that he made in the 1940s (Isidore had other more useful inventions, some of which he had patented – not the greatest businessman – he didn't get rich from his creativity). The best thing that Clyde did for me (other than emailing me back) was to send me an article about a State Senator in the family named Samuel Braunhart, who was his mother’s great uncle. Feisty old Sam was the first Braunhart I had ever heard of.

And finding more about the Braunharts became my obsession for the next 7 years!